I Am; Am I not?
by Marta Canadell
Hello lovely women! How are you? I’m very excited to share this new post with all of you as today, 8th March, is International Women’s Day. I thought a great way to celebrate would be learning how to change beliefs that are no longer serving us for the ones that will tune us into the wonderful women that we are, into joy, peace, hope, light and love, as that’s our true essence.
Some of you are wondering how we get to know all those beliefs, as they keep creating our reality. For that we need to understand the difference between ego and our true self. Our true self is your eternal you, it’s the source of love, light, the divine energy, God,… whatever you call it, it’s expressed through you.
When we’re born we still don’t have the concept of self, so we learn what the ones closest to us are, what mum and dad are, what our family think of us, what our teachers tell us about ourselves, and we start to create our concept of self through other people’s perspectives. We believe that’s who we are. Ego is an accumulated temporary identity that started then with one mission: survival, and thanks to this you’ve been able to be where you are now. The ego, therefore, is not your enemy, it’s a part of you that you need for living from an individual perspective in this physical reality. The problem comes when the ego is controlling you instead of you controlling it.
Let’s begin with a very common example that most of us have lived. Imagine that you’ve been born in a family where it is not acceptable being gay, but you are gay. They think this is bad, it’s even a sin. You learn this from a very young age and because you want to survive and being loved, you just deny this part of you. This has worked for years, your family loves you, they accept you, but you feel something inside you is not right. Your ego is identifying with a straight woman, this is what it had to do to survive, but your true self is feeling attracted to women as that’s who you really are. With this example, you can understand what ego is, what’s your true self and how ego has been controlling you.
So how do you know what is your ego’s identity and what is your true essence? As a wee exercise from Teal Swan, you could take a few minutes and answer these questions regarding your identity, therefore your ego. For example, when you’re using “my” in a sentence, you´re automatically identifying with that. Just write down whatever comes up to your mind, don’t judge it, “good” or “bad”, positive or negative. I did it myself and I can tell you after it, I was shocked with all the beliefs that I wasn’t aware of but were part of me. There we go:
* Things that you identify like “mine”: like my friends, my house...
* Fill in this blank space: “I am ...”, like I am intelligent, I am incapable...
* Thoughts and beliefs that you’re attached to: like “if I fall in love, I’m going to suffer”, “Money doesn’t grow on trees”...
* Emotions that you are attached to: like sadness, happiness…
* Aspects of your body that you identify: like “my hair is precious”, “my thighs are fat”...
All the answers that you give to these questions are your identity and that’s what you keep creating. If you’re happy, just keep it this way, the way that you’ve been following through your life. If you aren’t, you can start changing these beliefs for others that can really serve you. Just say for example that the belief that you are useless comes up when your boss is telling you something that you did wrong. But you know (or at least you’ve got the feeling) that you’re wonderful, so what to do now is identify this thought, accept it whether it’s true or not as it’s part of you, validate it, and create a thought that can really serve you now, a new thought for you: doing something “wrong” doesn’t define you, it’s just part of a learning process, you’re worthy. Practicing this every day will help you to connect with your authenticity and your reality will adapt to these new thoughts. You’ll start seeing lots of changes for good, you’ll feel more love, happiness, you’ll see more positive things, you’ll be more you.
But apart from your thoughts, what’s more important is your own voice, your feelings, your emotions, what your body is telling you. It’s very important to get in touch with them and a good way to know yourself better and those beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore, is by paying attention to the triggers in your day-to-day life. Let’s say in the previous example that the woman felt her shoulders were really tense after her boss said she did something wrong, her hands started sweating, she felt upset. Instead of blaming that boss or doing something to feel better and run away from that, pay attention to it, be completely with it, as this is a trigger that is telling you something important about you. This emotion, this feeling, this memory, whatever it is, needs you to hear it, to see it, to understand it, to be with it as it’s a part of you that you might have denied, that you don’t like, that you try to ignore. But keeping this way will only lead you to live the same in your reality over and over as this is a very part of you, and each time will be bigger until you decide to give it the attention that it needs.
So from now on when you feel someone/something is upsetting you, is making you feel angry, sad, or even if you feel an upset tummy, your heart beating faster, any sign within you, see this as an opportunity for you to know something about you, to discover an aspect of you. Try to be present with it, let it express and tell you what you need to know as being completely present with you, accepting yourself totally, is the only way for you to live fully happy with abundance and to connect with this amazing love that is surrounding you and within you as a part of the source that we all are.
Embrace all of you, be your best friend, there’s nothing better than being your true self here and now. We’re women who like women, aren’t we? ;) Lots of love to all of you, Marta xx.